I wasn’t really sure what to write about today. I’ve been having an issue coming up with something mildly amusing. So I asked Jason to pick a topic for me. So he flipped a quarter. He didn’t tell me what he was thinking, he just flipped the quarter. It landed on the ground, I watched him turn it over, and then he walked away.
I have this thing for picking up loose change. I don’t care if they’re pennies. I just love to pick all of it up. I stopped cycling once on a long ride to pick up a dime in the street. I’m an idiot like that. The kicker is that the coin has to be face up, otherwise it is bad luck and I have to turn it over for the next person to get. This is an old superstition that my mother told me, so it has to be true. I don’t like to mess with the ‘old world curses’ type things. That’s strong juju right there.
This is a dream for me. I knew it when I first saw it! All of the coins would have to be heads up, though, or I would have to punch someone in the face.
This would bring me better luck with my cooking.
I picked up the quarter and put it on the mantle. (I don’t even know if he saw me do it, or if he’ll be surprised that I didn’t take it for the coin jar.) It led me to this topic, but I have to tell you about some really funny times that he’s gotten me with coins. Most recently at the lawyer’s office. We had a bit of a text going back and forth.
“There’s a quarter under the desk. Must resist the urge to pick it up.”
“Noooooooo! I have faith! You have will power! DO NOT PICK IT UP!”
“It’s heads up too! This is killing me. OMG NEED TO PICK IT UP”
“No! Someone will see you. Put your Jew away and step back from the coin.”
He knows me too well. Although, he didn’t complain when I found that $20 in front of the cash register on the floor in Publix. Boom. The coin-picking-up wins me a load of loot! I would pick up coins when we would walk together on our morning break at our old job. Jason made fun of me then, and he still does to this day. But nothing beats the episode a month or so back at the gym.
I think we were doing chest/arms/triceps or something awful that was going to make me look like a weenie next to him. He’s really jacked, but he tells me all the time how good my workout is and how much I’m improving, therefore, I shall keep him. But I digress….(I always get stuck when I think about how puffed up and gorgeous he is).
There was a dime on the floor.
For some people, that’s ten wishes. For me, it was something I needed to keep. I walked over to the shiny little morsel, and lo and behold it was heads up!! How exciting! I wanted to clap loudly and do a stupid dance. Except, people. I stifled the excitement and picked up my new found friend. And then I realized that I had no pockets.
“Babe, can you please hold this for me? You have pockets. I do not.”
“What have you oh God Regina really right now can you not stop with the change hoarding???”
“I don’t hoard. You can easily walk around the house. Stop.”
At this point I was on the verge of making ‘the face.’ I had to stop myself because ‘the face’ is reserved for emergency situations, like if I were to suddenly need a new Louis Vuitton bag, or to go sunbathing in St. Thomas. ‘The face’ is always to be used sparingly. Overuse will ruin the effect.
Because Jason is a beautiful soul, he held onto my precious dime. But not for long, to my dismay. We had finished that particular set, had gone to another area of the gym, finished that set, and then walked back to the free weights to do another exercise. My arms were really sore. I really was doing a good workout! I can do this! I’m really is that another shiny coin on the floor what are the odds???
My excitement was rising again. Jason was just standing back and watching. Holy crap! TWO dimes in one day! This is amazing!
WAIT A MINUTE……
Kanye knows. He doesn’t like your sass either.
“Seriously, did you just? You put my dime back on the floor? What are you, an animal?”
At this point he is trying to internalize the unbelievable fit of laughter he’s immersed in. Or he’s having a seizure. I was hoping at that point that it was the latter, because if he was messing with me to that degree….about THE DIME!!!
A snort, a girly giggle, and spittle flew out of his mouth. (Right then it was me that needed to walk into the bar.) His face turned pink. I bet it hurt to laugh that hard. With that contorted face; body all scrunched up like that. Hmph. People were starting to look at him. Good. It diverted their attention from how ridiculous it was that I was getting bent over a dime. I turned around to pick up my dime. The plan was to just stick it in my bra like it was my cell phone. I’ll show him. Mess with my dime. Double hmph.
I reached down for my poor little forlorn friend. It was probably so sad that it was put back on the floor. Just sitting waiting to be stepped on. It wondered where it’s new friend was and would she ever find it again and take it home. Well, not this time. Jason put it TAILS UP on the floor. Shit. Now my dime was lost for good. It made me sad. My poor little dime. Sigh. I did the honorable thing and turned it face up. Just how it should be. It was technically mine, so that shouldn’t have mattered, but you know…juju.
We did our last set. It was brutal because my arms were already falling off. I mean, I scraped my knuckle on the ground. The whole set we went back and forth about why he did that to me. Why he pushes the coin buttons. All of his laughing. I was so engrossed in the conversation that I forgot the dime on the floor and didn’t realize it till we got home. That brought about much more laughing, then an I’m sorry, then a hug, and more laughing.
The next day at the gym, my dime was gone. At least it found a new friend and a new home. And I learned my lesson. He can poke fun at me for all of my neuroses all he wants, but I will never again let him hold my coins. I’ve got a bra for that.